Pet Peeve #1

Just got back from three wonderful days at AIPAC's 2006 Policy Conference -- really, more like a 5,000-person bar mitzvah, with Dick Cheney getting his aliyah (it was very moving; his mastery of the trop was superb) and Bernice Manocherian playing the role of the teary-eyed Jewish mother (I'm pretty sure I saw her lob--tartei mashma--a goodie bag or two into the audience). Anyway, it was a lovely affair -- from the Oscar-esque audiovisual effects to the fact that I ran into pretty much everyone I know who has ever had anything to do with Israel activism in this country.

In any event, last night's gala banquet was the pinnacle of the event. Over half the Senate (with the conspicuous absence of a certain junior senator from New York, which is most curious), a quarter of the House and fifty foreign ambassadors (including those of Afghanistan (!), Oman (?!) and Pakistan (*#&$^@?!)) were on hand to honor the U.S.-Israel relationship and to hobnob with one another.

But the real summit, I thought, was the singing of both "The Star Spangled Banner" and "Ha-Tikva". Led by the very able Cantor Michael Manevich of DC's Washington Hebrew Congregation, the assembled read from cards printed with the lyrics of both anthems and adorned (on both sides) with images of Old Glory. Some of you might recall the fun little crisis that accompanied last year's decision to skip the Israeli tune.

Yet elated as I was, I was irked by the manifestation of what has become one of my greatest annoyances in the past few years (this is where this post's title comes in). I refer, of course, to the "haaaaaa-tikva sh'not alpayim" silliness.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's a very simple matter, really. The words are "ha-tikva bat sh'not alpayim" ("the hope of two thousand years"). This flows very well with the tune (see below). Yet for some inexplicable, leave-it-to-the-American-Jew reason, whenever the fakakte thing is sung in the States, the first bit is weirdly extended, producing something like this: "haaaaaaaaa-tikva sh'not alpayim," which would probably translate as "theeeeeeee hope two thousand years" (note the silly protraction of the word "the" and the total absence of the word "of"). In case you haven't caught on, the phrase makes absolutely no sense.

Now, how it's come to pass that every American Jewish child is taught a nonsensical version of Israel's national anthem is a matter about which, I'm certain, much can be written. But let's get our act together, now, shall we?